Poem Feature: "Moviemakers"

by e nina jay

 

 

moviemakers are so clever

and so programmed we are

one cannot watch one hour of television

live one day of life without somehow

witnessing a female being

hit, punched, slapped, kicked, pushed

ridiculed, laughed at, raped, killed

stalked, watched, stripped, stabbed

shot, torn apart, chased while naked,

chopped up, left in dumpsters and

buildings and alleys and their own beds

in front of their children, in front of the

world, in front of the world

could our screams ever really be taken seriously?

moviemakers are so clever – they is so clever

i think about slasher movies

womyn in showers & summer camps & motels

and in beds with boys they hardly know

i think about how the camera makes me

feel like i am chasing her too

i think about how angry i get at her for

not running fast enough or for falling or

how they write her character so stupid that

you want to hate her – want her to smarten up

want her to get taught a lesson and i realize

that i want her to get killed too-

why would she have done something so stupid-

didn’t she see how dark it was?

didn’t she see that shadow?

didn’t she hear that music?

 

moviemakers – so clever

to make me hate her

so clever to turn her into a being

we don’t mind seeing destroyed

someone we want to get taught a lesson

interactive murder

interactive ignorance

interactive existence – drama and real life

’cause the same eyes that were trained

on that stupid helpless girl running through

a dark parking lot

those eyes are the same ones we use

when looking down the street

across the hall – in the next room

we have many answers for how she

 

could escape – how she should be able to get

away – how she could have avoided the

darkness altogether – interactive ignorance

we watch each other like the TV

screaming “ RUN, STUPID. RUN!!”

laughing …

wanting each other to get taught

lessons

you know, i think about the freddies and

the jasons and the killers –

moviemakers – so clever

they want us to like these killers

to cheer for them to want them to show up

and entertain us by killing some stupid girl

they brainwashed us

made freddie cool and funny

and jason smooth and mysterious

 

moviemakers – so clever

men – so clever

it all becomes a blur sometimes but

i beg of you today

if you ever see me in a slasher movie

running into the woods

doing stupid shit and sounding ridiculous

and you start to feel yourself

wanting me to get taught a lesson

because i didn’t do what you might have done

in this script that is horribly written

so like our world

please do not hate me

look at me running and screaming and confused

and be daring and different

begin to ask

“Why is that muthafucka chasing her?”

have the desire to help me, save me,

drive alongside me and pull me in your car

 

some might wonder why i live on the darkside so often

and all i can really say is that

it is simply because it exists

and i don’t know which darkness is worse

that which could take the life of someone

or the darkness that will sit

quietly by while it happens

 

i do not know which i resent more

the arrogance of a rapist

or the silence of his friends –

the cowardice of one

who will strike another human being

or the passivity of us

who continue to let it be normal

so clever

and methodic

i don’t know i’m just thinking about

moviemakers – they really are so clever

 

———————————–

e nina jay is a lesbian/womon/activist/writer of african descent. she uses her work to break silences around all forms of violence against womyn and children, with particular focus on the intersection of gender, violence, race and poverty. A 2005 Vagina Warrior, e nina jay performs poetry to encourage public awareness, sensitivity and outrage around the issues of violence against women and girls.